Maybe You Don’t Need to Find Your Purpose

There’s a lot of pressure to find your purpose. We think of our purpose almost in a magical way. Like it’s one specific thing that will make life feel complete and give it a sense of meaning. A reassurance we are on the right path. That our choices make sense.

Early on, we are too busy to dwell on the purpose. We have a clear path toward adulthood: career, relationship, children, routines and responsibilities. We are far too consumed with activities and schedules to focus on ourselves so we don’t. We can’t.

Then a transition happens. The children get older, things start to stabilize, and now we have time and space we can’t fill.

The result? An underlying restlessness, a sense of dissatisfaction, or a desire to feel happier. We feel a lack of purpose.

We start to look for activities and tangible “things” to fill that void.

We start wondering what needs to change: Do I need a new job? A new partner? To reinvent myself?

We ask:

What do I do now? What am I missing? Why am I not happier? What is my purpose?

Those can be useful questions, but we need to step back first because sometimes we go looking for a new purpose when what we really need is to get reacquainted with ourselves.

Those years of putting others first required you to become smaller and to place your needs and your wants aside.

Start by asking yourself:

What did I used to do that I enjoyed? What do I miss?

What do I automatically say yes to but would rather say no?

How would I want to spend a free day if I didn’t have to consider the needs or wants of anyone else?

What sounds interesting to me?

What do I need in this new phase of my life?

Rather than introduce more pressure to find your purpose, more external events to keep you busy, more activities you “think” will help you feel better, start with you.

A search for purpose is often more about reconnection than reinvention.

Reconnect with who you were then while building a life that makes room for who you are now.