An empty nest does not mean an empty life.

An empty nest does not mean an empty life.

When children leave home, it can feel unsettling.

Sometimes it’s not only about them being gone, but more of the fact that you are still here.  

All those years shaping their development while shaping yourself around others: their needs, appointments, school calendars and even the runny noses. Being a parent was your identity, first and foremost. Your needs were second or even third. 

But now the house is quiet. Your time is more yours than ever before. So now what?

You are likely feeling a mix of emotions: excitement, uncertainty, restlessness, or perhaps even pressure, to get done all the things you didn’t have time for before.

But we need to slow down for a second. 

Make room for the emotions first. 

You can miss the old days and enjoy the calm.

You can feel proud of your children and sad that they left.

You can enjoy your freedom and still check their location.

You can feel grateful for your life and uncertain about what comes next.

Consider the feelings of grief. Your life as you knew it is no longer. One you spent at least a decade building. So when our “usual” changes, it can bring forth a sense of loss. Allow yourself time to grieve.

Remember, change can be difficult, even good change. 

Give yourself time before jumping in to new activities. And make sure you include yourself in this new phase of life. 

There is a lot of pressure around this stage of life to reinvent yourself.

But you do not need a reinvention. Try not to get swept up in what you “should” do now that you have more time. 

Instead:

Ask yourself:

What do I enjoy now?

What do I want my days to look like? Feel like?

Who am I when I am not actively taking care of everyone?

Notice:

What gives you energy?

What do you look forward to?

When do you feel most like yourself?

These questions can be surprisingly difficult. Not because you do not have a self, but because you may not have consulted her in a long time.

Advice:

Start smaller than you think you should.

Spend an afternoon doing something you enjoy, not focused on results or productivity. 

Call the friend you have been meaning to call.

Remember: 

The goal is not to return to an earlier version of yourself.

The real question is: Who are you now?

Don’t forget: your children still need you, but it’s different now. And different doesn’t mean bad, worse, or less than. 

Chances are they will still call when they are sick, overwhelmed, heartbroken, or needing reassurance. They still need guidance and reminders where something is that they can’t find.

But they also need the freedom to build their lives more independently.  

As do you.

The house may be quieter now.

That does not mean you are finished.

It may mean you can finally hear yourself again.