Why the Stories We Inherit From Childhood Still Shape Us as Adults
Maybe you’ve caught yourself thinking, “I should be over this by now.” Or noticed old habits, patterns, or worries creeping into your life and wondered why they’re so persistent. The truth is, some of the stories we absorbed in childhood don’t just disappear, they echo.
We don’t inherit just memories or experiences; we inherit the meanings we attach to them. These stories can quietly shape how we see ourselves, how we connect with others, and even the choices we make. Some stories lift us up, and some weigh us down. Understanding them is the first step toward living a life that feels more like your own.
What I Mean by “Stories”
When I talk about “stories,” I don’t mean fairy tales or dramatic narratives. I mean the beliefs, roles, and patterns that quietly guide how we think and act. These are the messages we’ve learned about who we are and what’s possible in the world.
For example, you might carry:
“I have to be the responsible one.”
“My feelings don’t matter.”
“I’ll only be loved if I achieve.”
Often, these stories weren’t spoken outright, they were pieced together from repeated experiences, subtle cues, or family expectations. Over time, they feel like truth, even if they don’t actually reflect who we are or who we want to be.
How Childhood Stories Stick
Why do these stories stick? A few reasons:
Repetition makes them feel real: When a message or pattern is repeated often, our brains treat it as fact.
Emotional imprinting: Strong feelings like shame, fear, or rejection attach themselves to certain narratives.
Family culture and unspoken rules: Phrases like “Don’t talk about your feelings” or “Keep the peace at all costs” shape the story you tell yourself without anyone ever spelling it out.
The result? Beliefs that start in childhood can persist, quietly shaping adult behavior, decisions, and emotional responses.
How They Show Up in Adulthood
These old stories often surface in ways we don’t immediately recognize:
Anxiety: “I always have to get it right.”
Relationship challenges: “People will leave if I’m not perfect.”
Self-doubt: “Who I am isn’t enough.”
These aren’t personality flaws, they’re old scripts being replayed. They can make life feel heavier or more complicated than it needs to be.
The Good News: Stories Can Be Rewritten
Here’s the empowering part: even though these stories were shaped in the past, they don’t have to define your present or future. Narrative therapy helps you notice, question, and reshape them.
For example:
“I’m the responsible one” → “I learned responsibility early, but I don’t have to carry everything alone now.”
“My feelings don’t matter” → “My feelings were overlooked in the past, but I get to share them now.”
Rewriting a story doesn’t erase your past; it changes how it influences your present. It creates space for you to act from your strengths, values, and goals rather than old scripts.
Practical Ways to Start Rewriting Your Story
You don’t need to wait for therapy to notice your narratives. Here are some reflective exercises you can try:
Identify a recurring story: Notice a thought or belief that comes up often, especially when you feel stressed or stuck.
Trace its origin: Ask yourself, “Where might this story have started? Was it something I learned as a child?”
Question its relevance: Consider whether the story reflects who you want to be today.
Create an alternative story: Write down a new way to frame the situation, highlighting your strengths, choices, and values.
Even small shifts, like reframing one recurring belief, can change how you feel and act in meaningful ways.
Final Thoughts
We don’t get to choose all the stories we inherit, but we do get to decide which ones we continue to live by. The stories that shaped us as children can guide us, inspire us, or weigh us down—but they don’t have to control us.
Exploring your stories, noticing patterns, and creating new narratives is a deeply personal process. It’s also one that can help you feel more confident, connected, and in charge of your own life.
If you’re curious about exploring your own stories in a supportive space, therapy can be a place to reflect, question, and begin rewriting the parts that no longer serve you. Sometimes, just a few new chapters are enough to feel lighter, steadier, and more like yourself. Reach out today.
